Let's Give the Result of Every Forced Pregnancy a Heisman

Attention Freakazoids and Other Assholes: When you insert yourself uninvited into the political discourse, you enter a free-fire zone. No holds barred. Thus:

We'll skip Caribou Barbie's incoherent droolings and move straight to the proposed Super Bowl commercial:

The ad will feature Heisman trophy winner Tim Tebow and his mom, and they’ll speak to the sanctity of life and the beautiful potential within every innocent child as Mrs. Tebow acknowledges her choice to give Tim life, despite less than ideal circumstances.

Ah, yes, Tim Tebow. The 21-year-old Heisman-Trophy-winning, most famous college football player in the country, who claims to be a virgin. In South Florida.

Tim Tebow is either a world-class liar or a record-breaking freak.

Unless, of course, we're playing by none-for-thee-but-all-for-me Freakazoid Rules, in which case "virgin" translates to "oral, anal, even vaginal don't count as long as I'm thinking about baby jeebus all the time."

I don't make many predictions, but I'll make this one:

Tim Tebow is going to be the biggest first-round draft bust since Ryan Leaf. If he lasts more than one season, it'll only be because whatever team is dumb enough to take him - hard to tell this year with the Rams, Bills and Bucs all competing for stupidest of them all - is too embarrassed or pathetic to replace him.