Rand Paul Abandons Kentucky, Endorses Governor Argentinian Nookie

Well of course the Tribble-Toupeed One doesn't give a flying fuck about Kentuckians; we don't even have enough electoral votes to help him get elected president.


Political Wire:

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) is organizing a series of public and private appearances across the first-in-the-South primary state in June, CNN reports.

The trip is "an effort to get to know Republicans across the state.
He's also set to endorse former Gov, Mark Mark Sanford (R) in the special election in South Carolina's 1st congressional district.

Endorsing Sanford might not be the stupid move it seems to be: Sanford claims he's just a point behind Stephen Colbert's sister, and if turnout is low enough in next Tuesday's special election, he could win.

Mark Sanford: It's God's Fault I'm a Lying, Cheating Asshole

It must be great to have god hanging around just waiting to be used as your all-purpose excuse. Invading pissant countries, torturing innocent detainees, condemning poor children to starvation and death ... it's god's will! Don't blame me!

I mean, how totally cool is a god so eager to help you avoid all personal responsibility that it even takes the rap for your adultery.

"It's in the spirit of making good from bad that I am committing to you and the larger family of South Carolinians to use this experience to both trust God in his larger work of changing me, and from my end, to work to becoming a better and more effective leader," (Gov. Mark Sanford) wrote (in an op-ed.)

And how much does god really, really, really love Mark Sanford that it not only forgives Sanford for repeatedly violating one of the Big Commandments, but is dropping everything else to fix a guy far more deserving of a lightning bolt to the gonads.

Senate Minority Leader John Land, also frequently at odds with Sanford, doubts the governor can change or knows how to compromise.

"If he didn't get his way, he'd take his balls and go home, so he left a lot of things on the table," the Manning Democrat said.

"You don't all of a sudden have a mid-life crisis and suddenly get along with people."

Well, obviously Land is one of those horrible members of the reality-based community, a big meanie who doesn't understand that the only one Sanford has to get along with is his own very personal invisible sky wizard.

Read the whole thing.

Andy Borowitz has god's reaction.

Cross-posted at They Gave Us A Republic ...

It's Not the Hypocrisy, It's the Sex

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: repugs don't respond to accusations of hypocrisy because the freakazoids don't consider hypocrisy a sin. In fact, there's nothing they love better than a contrite sinner. The more outrageous the sin, the more forgiveness and acceptance the sinner receives.

Paul Krugman nailed it, in a blog post perfectly titled "Sex and the Married Politician."

From their point of view the cause, the need to police what people do in bed, is, by definition, right, because it’s literally God-given. So the fact that some of those trying to police what other people do in bed are themselves doing nasty things does not reflect on the cause itself — on the contrary, it shows just how necessary more bed-snooping is.

It’s also notable that conservatives are, in practice, more forgiving of their politicians’ sins than liberals. John Edwards and Eliot Spitzer ended their political careers; Ensign and Vitter are still in the Senate, and Newt Gingrich is out there on the Sunday shows, speaking for the GOP. Why? Because where liberals see gross hypocrisy, conservatives see men doing the Lord’s work — which partially excuses their own failings. Liberals think that a man who has an affair is worse if he preaches moral values; conservatives think he’s better. You might say that as they see it, if he interferes with what enough other people do in bed, it doesn’t matter what he does himself.

Read the whole thing.

Sanford-freude

You know you want it. And you know you want me to give it to you.

First, the quote, given of his own free will, on the record, out loud, to the Associated freakin' Press:

Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he's trying to fall back in love with his wife.

Yeah, nothing charms a wronged wife like announcing you're going to make the supreme sacrifice of struggling mightily to give a shit about her again.

It's the line about "never crossing the ultimate line with anyone but Chapur" that really intrigues me.

I mean, different people draw the "ultimate line" in different places. Is Sanford like abstinence-pledging teens, who keep their promise by indulging in oral sex? Or is he more like the legendary Greek girls who stay virgins until marriage by leaving the back door open? Or maybe he agress with one friend I had in college who fucked every guy on campus but claimed to be still a virgin because she'd never had an orgasm.

"Ultimate line." What a maroon.

But wait - there's more! Apparently South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Brauer gave an interview in which he denies rumors that he is gay - without anyone asking about said supposed rumors.

OK, South Carolina, which do you want for governor? A pathetic whiner who has the sexual sophistication of a 12-year-old, or a "confirmed bachelor" so insecure about his sexuality he starts rumors about it so he can deny them?

One more thing:

Under South Carolina law, adultery is a crime, punishable by a $500 fine and a year in jail. SC law enforcement says they don't have time to fool with that shit, but fercryinoutloud, the perp confessed live on national TV! Why hasn't Mark Sanford been arrested?

And no, that fucker is NOT going to resign. The arrogance, the self-centeredness, the utter disregard for his children, the inability to grasp the irresponsibility of abandoning his duties as governor - no, they're going to have to drag him out of the governor's mansion screaming and kicking.

For comprehensive Sanford coverage, especially on the actual issue here, which is malfeasance in office, bookmark The State newspaper in South Carolina.

For the low-down on the dirty-dirty, of course it's Wonkette.

Quote of the Day

Wonkette commenter saralovesyou:

Sanford is destroying the sanctity of my gay marriage.