Dear ExxonMobil

We are not worthy.

Erik Loomis at Lawyers, Guns and Money:

I love Rand Paul. He’s like his father, but with even fewer principles. This Paul speech about oil companies on the Senate floor is classic:

Instead of punishing them, you should want to encourage them. I would think you would want to say to the oil companies, “What obstacles are there to you making more money?” And hiring more people. Instead they say, “No, we must punish them. We must tax them more to make things fair.” This whole thing about fairness is so misguided and gotten out of hand.

Dear Big Oil Executives,

My name is Erik Loomis. I like to drive and heat my home and eat. Because of that, I really want you to profit off of me. I was thinking about eating three meals a day this year, but it’s really more important that your shareholders kick some more indigenous people in Ecuador off their land so you can maximize profits. I’d like to support your in your task, as it is as destined by God as 19th century Manifest Destiny or the Christian Holy War against Iraq in 2003. Is my unwillingness to only eat twice a day an obstacle to you making money? I apologize for my selfishness. As my social betters, you deserve anything you would like from me. Do you own any coal mines in China? I would love to support your mission by dying in a Chinese coal mine. My sacrifices are easily worth if it you can add another 10,000 square feet to your mansion. Please tell me how you can better profit off of my life.

Yours in the exploitation of me.

Erik