Clinton Envy Is A Terrible Thing, and AynRandy Has It Bad

It's now gotten to the point that only Wonkette can do justice to the bottomless derp that is news about the Tribble-Toupeed One.

Sen. Rand Paul is just sick of the Democrats doing war on women by tolerating the continued existence of Bill Clinton, the sexual predator who had a consensual affair with a lady who worked for him (this is the only real instance of workplace sexual harassment in history, according to Republicans). And so he is calling on all Democrats who have ever raised money with Clinton to return it immediately to protest the notorious anti-woman blowjobs of 20 years ago. Seems reasonable!

In an interview to be aired Sunday on CSPAN, Paul laid out his crystalline logic:

“They can’t have it both ways. And so I really think that anybody who wants to take money from Bill Clinton or have a fundraiser has a lot of explaining to do. In fact, I think they should give the money back,” Mr. Paul, Kentucky Republican, said. “If they want to take position on women’s rights, by all means do. But you can’t do it and take it from a guy who was using his position of authority to take advantage of young women in the workplace.”

Aqua Buddha says what? That must have been one hell of a blowjob, to erase all the transvaginal ultrasound bills and comments about the sacred status of rape babies.

Needless to say, Rand Paul is only interested in what’s best for women, and what’s best for women is to remind everyone that the Democratic front-runner’s husband was a big horndog who did sex stuff two decades ago, so that women will be spared the indignity of a Hillary Clinton presidency. It’s quite the public-minded thing of him to do, really.

We could maybe say that if Rand Paul is going to target Hillary Clinton through the not-exactly-obscure marital misdeeds of her husband, then it would be entirely fair to wonder why he hasn’t distanced himself from his own family member’s history of questionable associations and racist newsletters… then again, there are so many excellent reasons to reject Rand Paul, why even bother?

I repeat: I sincerely hope Ms. Tribble-Toupeed One is frequently fucking her brains out with the pool boy.