'He didn't behave like a rapist. And people seemed to think I had
asked for it. Did I go to the police? Did I hell. I thought it was my
fault'
As a culture, we still refuse collectively to accept that most rapes
are committed by ordinary men, men who have friends and families, men
who may even have done great or admirable things with their lives. We
refuse to accept that nice guys rape, and they do it often. Part of the
reason we haven't accepted it is that it's a painful thing to
contemplate – far easier to keep on believing that only evil men rape,
only violent, psychotic men lurking in alleyways with pantomime-villain
moustaches and knives, than to consider that rape might be something
that ordinary men do. Men who might be our friends or colleagues or
people we look up to. We don't want that to be the case. Hell, I don't
want that to be the case. So, we all pretend it isn't. Justice, see?
Actually, rape is very common. Ninety thousand people reported rape
in the United States in 2008 alone, and it is estimated that over half
of rape victims never go to the police, making the true figure close to
200,000. Between 10 and 20 per cent of women have experienced rape or
sexual assault. It's so common that – sorry if this hurts to hear –
there's a good chance you know somebody who might have raped someone
else. And there's more than a small chance he doesn't even think he did
anything wrong, that he believes that what he did wasn't rape, couldn't
be rape, because, after all, he's not a bad guy.
This is a hard one to read, but necessary. You won't look at your buddies, your co-workers, your family members the same way ever again.
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