Bar the Doors! The Freakazoids Are Coming!

No, I am not kidding:

Southern Baptists in Kentucky will embark Saturday on what they are billing as the most ambitious evangelistic outreach in their history, hoping to reverse lagging rates of conversions in the state.

They will be going from home to home, placing plastic bags with brochures containing evangelistic messages on door handles. The brochures will contain contact information for local Southern Baptist churches and national Web sites and phone numbers.

The convention will also be spending $182,000 in television, radio and billboard ads in media markets in and around Kentucky — from Louisville to Cincinnati to Huntington/Charleston, W.Va., to Evansville, Ind.

“It will be the largest and I believe it will be the most effective evangelism initiative that Kentucky Baptists have ever been involved in,” said Eric Allen, director of mission service and ministries for the Kentucky Baptist Convention, in a promotional video on its Web site.

The convention hopes to mobilize as many as 50,000 volunteers for the effort, scheduled to run Saturday through March 21. One church in Warren County is even canceling Sunday services so that members can fan out into the neighborhood during the worship hour.

The goal is to reach as many of the state’s estimated 1.5 million households as possible.

Make no mistake: this is criminal trespass and harassment. I'm watching the driveway right now, and when they step foot on my property I'm giving them 10 seconds to get off of it before I call the police.

After I sic the dogs on them.