Abortion Makes Life Better

The biggest problem with the campaign to get women to talk about their abortions was the subtext that women needed to be persuaded out of their supposed shame and regret.

There is no shame, no regret. There is relief, pride and love.

Tara Culp-Ressler at Think Progress:

On Friday, the New York Times published a wedding announcement for Udonis Haslem, a basketball player with the Miami Heat, and his partner Faith Rein. The article traces the couple’s 14-year relationship from the time they first met at the University of Florida, to the beginnings of their powerful careers, to the birth of their son, to Haslem’s proposal in Italy.

It also includes several paragraphs about Rein’s decision to have an abortion after the couple had been dating for about a year — an experience which brought them closer:

Their first challenge took place the following spring when she became pregnant. It was her junior and his senior year, and he had begun training for the N.B.A. draft. Despite the pregnancy, she was busy with track meets and helping him complete homework. The timing was bad.

“I am not a huge fan of abortion, but we both had sports careers, plus we could not financially handle a baby,” said Mr. Haslem, noting how he struggled with supporting Kedonis, the son he had in high school, who is now 14 and who lives with his mother.

“Udonis appreciated that I was willing to have an abortion,” Ms. Rein said. “I found him caring, supportive, nurturing and all over me to be sure I was O.K. I saw another side of him during that difficult time and fell deeply in love. He had a big heart and was the whole package.”

The New York Times’ decision to include those details in a column in its prominent wedding section is a small step toward dispelling the persistent abortion stigma that’s deeply ingrained in our society. Despite the fact that terminating a pregnancy is a very common aspect of reproductive health care — one in three U.S. women will have had an abortion by the time she is 45 years old — many of those women feel like they’re not allowed to talk openly about it.

Shame-based messages around abortion care have reinforced the idea that it’s always morally wrong, and the women who opt for having one always end up regretting it later. In fact, research has consistently shown that when women choose to have an abortion, it’s because it’s the right choice for them — just like it was the right choice for Rein and Haslem in the early stages of their relationship — and they don’t actually regret it. When women who have had abortions are asked about their experiences, 90 percent of them say they primarily felt relief.