You May Now Commence to Eat the Rich

Zandar notes how the avalanche of hysterical Austerity or Else! articles has a strange omission:

The more I look for it, the more I find articles about "what to do about state budget shortfalls?" not including the obvious solution of raising taxes and fees at all, let alone on the wealthy. Again and again we're told the only solution is painful cuts in vital social programs.

Which is, of course, the obvious consequence of Congress and President Obama dealing with massive budget shortfalls by approving a ludicrous tax cut for the rich that adds $700 billion to the massive budget shortfalls.

But history teaches us that when the rich overreach, so do the consequences. And soaking the rich never really goes out of style.

mjs' last Opinuary column is the best.

The Opinion "We shouldn't eat the rich" has died after being gnawed to the bone by a horde of addled geriatrics while on a skiing vacation in Aspen, Colorado. Born in the halcyon days of brotherly love and public order, the Opinion served to guide the less fortunate of the nation in their eating habits, admonishing them to refrain from dining on the wealthier members of society. After a pleasant childhood spent eating slaughtered animals, it left its home and became deeply embedded into the fabric of the social contract, free from any hint or pangs of cannibalistic urges.

After the fall of the Dark Prince in 1974 the Opinion spent the next few decades touring the country, sharing its message of Wealthy Free Eating as part of the They'll Shoot You if You So Much as Try and Nibble Them campaign. The promotion was so successful that no rich people were eaten in the United States for the next 35 years (the rich did continue to pay to have people lick them) even as poverty was increasing its presence. It was only when the richest citizens tried to fuck everybody out of their Social Security that poor mouths began to salivate when riding the bus through wealthy neighborhoods, and slowly the forks began to rise in anticipation of an orgy of flesh. As the New Year came knocking on the back porch door, barbecues across the 50 states began to sizzle and spit with the grease of bankers, insurance magnates, lobbyists, media moguls, fossil fuel executives and trust fund niblets, with nary a vegetable to be seen. Care for a nice Pinot Noir with your Upper Class Cutlets? Perhaps a slice of Derivative au Vin?

In lieu of flowers the family of the Opinion asks that you use caution when attempting to consume the rich, advising that a little patience goes a long way. Sure, upper class have the police and the military, but they'll run out of bullets eventually, and when they do, bam--they're what's for dinner.

They may have all the money, but never forget we outnumber them a thousand to one.

The only answer to politicians and pundits' demands that the middle and working classes "sacrifice" is this: You First.

It's time for our side in the class war to take the offensive.