Why You Should Work to Elect Democrats, Even Though They Don't Deserve It

Because come November 3, which of these two groups are President Obama and Democrats in Congress slightly more likely to listen to:

Group A: HAHAHA! We're Democrats who voted for you, gave you money, knocked on doors and made phone calls for you in 2008, but you took our support and completely threw it away, fucked us over and then had the unmitigated gall to lecture us on our obligation to vote. So you know what we did? NOTHING! No money, no phone calls, no canvassing. We sat at home and DID NOT VOTE. And look what happened! Teabaggers have a 50-seat majority in the house and a filibuster-proof 62-seat majority in the Senate. YOUR ASS IS GRASS. How do you like them apples, Barry?

Group B: Yeah, you ass-fucked us real good, you DINO waste of oxygen. You blew every opportunity to set this country back on a sane, Democratic course. You caved to the repugs, to Wall Street, to the corporations at every turn. You made sure everybody knew you hated the liberals who got you elected, and you would gladly destroy your own presidency and the country along with it for a tiny nod of approval from Mitch McConnell and John Boehner. Even your supposed successes are worse than failures, because they made genuine progress orders of magniture more difficult. On jobs, on health care, on financial reform, your pathetic half-measures have convinced everyone there's no point in even trying to fix those disasters. And don't get us started on the wars you've made permanent, the war crimes you've excused and ignored, the shredding of the constitution. You richly deserve the two years of nonstop investigations the repugs have planned for you.

So you know what we did? We swallowed our disappointment and our anger and our despair. We listened to what the repugs had to say about what they were going to do to our country, and we saw the difference between a feckless ally and a determined enemy. We knew our country under your pathetic excuse for leadership had done nothing for us, so we asked ourselves what we could do for our country. And the answer was clear.

We did it. We busted ass for all of October and we kept Congress in Democratic hands. We even got Nancy a five-seat increase in her majority and Harry the 61-seat filibuster-killer he's so terrified of having to use.

This is your last chance, motherfucker. Blow this and your ass really is grass. Even if the repug ticket in 2012 is Palin/Beck, we won't help you. We really will sit home and let the barbarians take the country. We'll buy guns and stockpile food and water and wait out the Interregnum until the repugs implode completely.

So get going on the liberal agenda we gave you the Congress to enact. Clock's ticking.

No, he won't thank Group B. But there's a tiny chance that he might listen.

Cross-posted at They Gave Us A Republic ....