Be A Stealth Candidate

It’s one week to the January 29 deadline for filing to run for office in 2008. Do you know who’s challenging your state representative/senator?

Probably not, because as of today, 110 of the 119 representatives and senators up for re-election in Kentucky this year have no opponent in November.

In the Senate, only four of the 19 seats will be contested in November.

In the House, only five of the 100 seats will be contested in November.

Not even Russian President Vladimir Putin, who keeps the testicles of every member of the Duma in a jar on his desk, can boast that rate of incumbency return.

Here are the only three allowable excuses for NOT running for political office:

1. You will be fired from your job (running for office is cause for dismissal.)

2. Your spouse will kill you.

3. Public exposure will reveal secrets from your past that will get you fired from your job and/or cause your spouse to kill you.

One, two or all three of these excuses apply to yours truly, which is why I get to sit here comfortably and nag the rest off you into running for office.

Here’s the biggest excuse for not running for office, and why it is bogus:

A state House race costs at least $50,000, and I can’t afford it.

That’s why they call it fundraising, not fundwithdrawing. OK, so all your friends and relatives are poor, too. The false assumption here is that there is some kind of rule that you must spend money if you are running for office.

Here’s the secret truth: No you don’t! Once you’ve paid the filing fee ($200), you can sit on your ass all day, every day, for almost 10 months, until Election Day, when it really is bad form to not even bother to vote for yourself.

The point is that you only have to spend money if you are so desperate to win that you believe the party insiders and consultants who lie about how much TV advertising you need.

If, however, you are running simply to make the point that no one should be allowed to skate into public office without an opponent, then there is no reason to spend a single dime.

In a year like 2008, when voters are desperate to punish someone, anyone, they are going to take aim at every incumbent they can find. They’re going to vote for every challenger on the ballot, even if they’ve never heard or read the challenger’s name before.

Especially if they’ve never heard or read the challenger’s name before.

So I propose Stealth Candidacies. If your local House member or Senator has no opponent from the other party, quietly file for the seat yourself.

Don’t tell anybody.

Don’t send out a press release, don’t ask anybody for money, and for pity’s sake don’t tell any bloggers.

If you insist on making it exciting, you could start a whisper campaign, spreading rumors about your opponent. Incumbents have used this tactic against challengers for decades and gotten away with it – why should they have all the fun? Phrase the rumor in the form of a question – “did you hear that Representative Charlie Hoffman (D-Georgetown) eats boogers?" - and you’re accountability-free.

With a little luck, we could see at least a few overconfident incumbents wake up November 5 to the news that somebody nobody ever heard of has thrown them out of office.

As a bonus, we’d get a few representatives and senators who got elected all by their lonesomes, owing nothing to campaign contributors, lobbyists or party honchos.

Then we’d see some real fun.

Here’s the list of
members of the Kentucky House of Representatives. All of them are up for re-election.

Here’s the list of members of the Kentucky Senate. The 19 who represent odd-numbered Senate Districts are up for re-election.

Here’s the list of candidates who have filed to run for a seat in the Kentucky House of Representatives.

Here’s the list of candidates who have filed to run for a seat in the Kentucky Senate.

H/T a pissed-off Democrat whose repug representative is running unchallenged.

Cross-posted at BlueGrassRoots.